Rocking Hard, Volume 2 Read online

  What was he doing? He'd asked himself that question a million times, and something told him he'd ask it a million times more before he was finished. In a week, Gabriel was going to be long gone. He was setting himself up to be heartbroken all over again, and what was worse, he was willing to pay the consequences. This was his Gabriel. That was all there was to it. Gabriel didn't understand, wouldn't understand, but Michael did. There was magnitude behind that. From the first moment he had seen him and heard him play, he'd known Gabriel was the one. And it didn't matter that he was a part-time fill in. Gabriel was everything.

  And in a week, everything would be gone.

  Michael sat up, pulled on a pair of pants, and climbed out of his bunk. If he only had a week left with Gabriel, he wasn't going to waste it.

  He found Gabriel in the back of the bus playing a keyboard with headphones on. Every so often he would stop and jot down something in a notebook. Maybe, Michael thought, he should just go. Gabriel was working on something; he likely didn't want to be interrupted. So what if Michael was bored and lonely and just wanted to be around him. Then he reminded himself that Gabriel was leaving in a week, and he didn't want to miss a minute of him.

  "Gabriel?"

  Gabriel glanced up and pulled out his headphones. "Hey, Michael. Couldn't sleep?"

  Michael shrugged. "Didn't want to."

  Gabriel nodded. He seemed distant. Maybe he was still thinking about the song. Maybe he should just leave him alone. No. He had decided, and he was going to see it through.

  "Are you writing a song?"

  Gabriel nodded again, still a little distant. "Yeah." He started cleaning up his things to make room on the couch.

  "Wait—you don't have to stop." But he really really hoped he would.

  Gabriel shrugged. "It's okay. I can write anytime. Want to watch a movie?"

  Michael sprawled out on the couch while Gabriel put a movie on and then tugged Gabriel down to lie across his chest.

  "You play piano?" Michael asked.

  "I taught myself in high school."

  "I didn't know that. How much else is there that I don't know about you?"

  "About twenty-four years' worth."

  Touché.

  "I'll show you tomorrow."

  Michael wasn't sure what that meant, but the movie had started and he cared more about the feel of Gabriel's heartbeat against his chest than getting an explanation.

  *~*~*

  Michael was greeted far too early the next morning with coffee. He blearily allowed himself to be bustled into a rental car driven by Gabriel, who seemed to be in a fantastic mood despite the hour. He looked at Gabriel suspiciously. "Have you been abducted by aliens?"

  "Nope," Gabriel replied cheerfully. "I just had three cups of coffee already."

  "Oh my." After his own cup of coffee, he was impressed by his ability to speak without yawning. Gabriel's energy was just unnatural.

  Gabriel grinned. "This is nothing."

  Michael made a mental note to determine if Gabriel was a caffeine junkie. He considered probing him but decided he was just too tired to do so. He yawned and stared out the window as they sped along the highway. Every so often, Gabriel would point out sights, such as the Joliet prison.

  "It's not in use anymore. They rent it out to people filming movies and TV shows, and a lot of time the directors get locals to fill in as extras. I did, once. It was sweet."

  "You were on a TV show?"

  "Yup." Gabriel smiled faintly at the memory and gave a little laugh. "I played a visitor at the prison once with one of my buddies. If you pause the DVD at the exact right second, you can kind of make me out in the background if you know where to look."

  "Quite the Hollywood debut, huh?"

  "Oh yeah, definitely." Gabriel grinned at him, and Michael couldn't help but realize that Gabriel had a beautiful carefree smile. How had he not noticed that before?

  "And over in Cook County, that's where they carry out the death penalties."

  "Oh." Michael had forgotten that Illinois had the death penalty—or he'd never known to begin with. He wasn't quite sure which.

  "I had an aunt who lived there, and when they'd put someone on the chair, the house lights would flicker out."

  "Oh my."

  "Home sweet home." He took an exit, and they were almost immediately driving through suburbs.

  They parked outside a diner—Kathy's Kitchen—and Gabriel led the way inside. "Do you want breakfast?"

  Michael shrugged. "I could eat." What was this, Gabriel's favorite spot to hang with friends or something? He felt like this was part of the experience, but Gabriel didn't seem like a particularly forthcoming tour guide anymore.

  "Jackson?"

  There was a scream and then a blonde girl threw herself into Gabriel's arms, knocking Michael aside so she and Gabriel could rock back and forth. Michael stepped aside to avoid further invasion of his personal space, not quite sure what to think. Sister? Groupie? Ex-girlfriend?

  "Oh my God, how are you? What are you doing here? Who's this?"

  Michael blinked, and then he was being introduced. The girl hugged him hard too, and he still didn't know what was happening. Gabriel was certainly taking his good sweet time to let Michael know what was going on, but the ecstatic feelings radiating from him made Michael hold his tongue.

  "C'mon, I'll get you a table. Booth okay?" Without waiting for an answer, she led them to a corner booth and got them settled in.

  Gabriel grinned as she walked away, but when no explanation seemed forthcoming, Michael finally asked, "Umm, who is that?"

  "Sorry." Gabriel's grin didn't fade. "That's Becky. We've worked here together for two years now."

  "You worked here?" Somehow he'd never thought about the day job Gabriel had had before joining the band. He had been surrounded by full-time musicians for so long that he had forgotten about musicians with "normal" lives too.

  "Yup. Waited tables. I will again in another two days."

  "Oh."

  "What? You forget that some of us have to work for a living?" He winked at Michael, clearly teasing.

  "Of course not." Michael made a face. "I used to have a day job between school and gigs."

  "That's right. You've got an education." His voice was still playful, just like the light in his eyes.

  Michael rolled his eyes. Yes, he was a musician who'd gone to college instead of moving to the city and touring the bar scene until he was discovered. People liked to give him crap for it because he had a degree he could fall back on if his music career failed—as if a degree in music and theatre would help him get a job in the real world. "The only good part of that school was the theatre program. The rest was just crap I had to put up with."

  "And that's why I never went." Gabriel opened his menu, quickly cutting off that topic. His tone hadn't seemed bitter, but Michael wondered if maybe there was more to why he hadn't gone to school. The money, most likely, but he didn't want to pry into it when Gabriel didn't seem to want to talk about it.

  He opened his own menu and scanned it as Gabriel offered his suggestions. "Everyone orders the number two, so it's always backed up. I wouldn't order that if you want to eat before noon. And the cook drenches the pancakes in butter, so be careful."

  "What do you suggest then?" Michael asked. He was partially teasing and partially hoping to get an edible meal. The coffee wasn't going to keep him going for long.

  "The omelets are amazing—any of them, really. The sausage and biscuits are good."

  "I'll take your word on that."

  Gabriel grinned at him, and Michael couldn't remember if he'd ever seen him so happy. He should've been happy before this moment. They were together, after all. Gabriel should've been giddy happy all the time. What was Michael doing wrong?

  When they finished eating, Becky bustled about them for another ten minutes until she was convinced that they'd had enough to eat and didn't need anything for the road. He liked her, Michael decided. He liked her even more
after Gabriel laughingly informed him that they'd never dated and had no desire to. It assuaged his possessive nature that she wasn't one of Gabriel's exes, and he grudgingly admitted to himself that he was being somewhat hypocritical since his own ex had played—was currently playing—such a large role in their relationship.

  There were more hugs goodbye, and then Gabriel was tugging on Michael's sleeve. "C'mon," he urged, still humming with that energy that Michael found intoxicating. It was impossible not to be in a good mood when Gabriel was so happy, just as it was impossible to deny him just then. "I do more than just wait tables." Michael remembered their previous conversation, when Gabriel had said he had twenty-four years to fill Michael in on, and got in the car to continue the journey.

  As they drove, Gabriel pointed out little things that only a native would know: the best places for midnight munchie runs, which gas stations were the last to raise the gas prices, where the cops liked to hide to catch speeders.

  They pulled to a stop outside an apartment building, and Gabriel led the way upstairs. Michael felt a bit like a kid at a friend's house being shown all his friend's toys, what with the way Gabriel led him and his eagerness to point out everything about his life. Really, he didn't mind at all. He loved getting to know Gabriel. He was only just realizing how much he didn't know about him.

  There was screaming here too as a cute girl with dyed black hair and bangs jumped into Gabriel's arms and wrapped her legs around his waist. Michael blinked. He was sure none of his friends were ever this physical with him—or this excited to see him. Gabriel hadn't been gone long at all, certainly not as long as Michael, who could go a month or more without coming home. True, his mother was always glad to see him, and whenever he and the band reunited, it felt like a homecoming in its own way, but he felt a little pang of jealous loneliness. He supposed it was true what people said, that money couldn't buy love. He was on top of the world, living his dream, but he didn't have everything. He had no one who screamed and threw themselves into his arms. He caught himself wondering for the briefest moment if Gabriel would ever react to him that way, but he pushed it out of his mind. This wasn't the time for silly fantasies.

  A lightly-bearded man came in to see what the screaming was about, and he broke into a grin, pushing the girl out of the way to get his chance to hug Gabriel. Gabriel was grinning when they separated. "Michael, this is Kandace and David, my roommates. Guys, this is Michael." No other explanation was given, so they were either familiar with Fallen Angel, or Gabriel had been filling them in during his time on tour. Michael wondered what Gabriel might have said about him.

  They grinned at him, but they only had eyes for Gabriel. They had a million questions for him—How are you? How's the tour? What's it like? Is it everything you dreamed it would be? What are your fans like? How's the band?—and Gabriel did his best to answer them before the next one was asked. He didn't seem to mind their questions, but before long, he was fidgeting. Clearly he had other plans, and swapping stories wasn't quite it. It wasn't long before he started bowing out.

  "I've got somewhere else I want to go yet, and we have to get back in time for soundcheck. Oh—here." He dug in his jeans and pulled out a fold of bills, which he handed to David. "That's my share of the rent."

  "We told you that you didn't have to do that. We've got it covered."

  Gabriel shrugged. "I'm your roommate; it's my job. That, and to introduce you to decent music."

  Kandace laughed. "Oh, Jackson." She hugged him again.

  "Are you guys coming to the show tonight?" Gabriel asked from the door. "Did you get the tickets I sent you?"

  "We wouldn't miss it for the world." Kandace was beaming, and David wrapped his arm around her waist as they waved goodbye.

  Down in the parking lot, Michael looked up at Gabriel's apartment; Kandace and David were waving at the window.

  "C'mon," Gabriel said, opening the car door and waving quickly to his roommates. "I've saved the most important for last." As soon as Michael was inside the car, Gabriel peeled out of the parking lot and Michael could feel the urgency, that same happy energetic excitement that had radiated from him all morning.

  He stewed in his nerves during the car ride. Who was he about to meet? Ex-girlfriend? Ex-boyfriend? Current boyfriend? He realized that they'd never discussed past lovers before; it was completely possible that Gabriel was engaged to some BDSM master and Michael wouldn't even know it. He frowned. He didn't want to meet any of Gabriel's exes. He didn't want to think about anyone Gabriel had had before him, or the fact that he would have more after him. He pushed the gloomy thoughts of Gabriel's departure away. He had no reason to think Gabriel would want him to meet exes, and he'd already met his friends. Who else was left? He wasn't about to meet the family, was he? Not the parents—anything but the parents. Oh, God, he wasn't ready for this.

  They stopped at a flower shop, where Gabriel bought a bouquet of white lilies. The man at the counter seemed to know Gabriel as well. What was this, one of those tiny southern towns where everyone knew everyone and had since the dawn of time?

  Gabriel laughed at that as they got back into the car. "Not quite. Sometimes, though, we're as culturally open-minded as the south—as in, not."

  "So … racist?"

  Gabriel snorted. "I meant towards gays, not blacks. It's not exactly New York here, or Los Angeles. We're not hosting pride parades."

  Gabriel turned down a country road, and the conversation faded into comfortable silence. They drove for a little while longer before coming up to a cemetery, and when Gabriel headed through the iron gates, Michael assumed he was turning around.

  He was completely taken by surprise when Gabriel parked the car. None of his dozen, horrifying fantasies had involved a cemetery. Dead family members were a lot less intimidating but much trickier to talk about—or to.

  Gabriel quietly led the way through the cemetery and stopped at a simple grey headstone that read:

  Sarah Marie Mason (Donner)

  1936-2008

  Beloved mother, grandmother, and friend.

  "You only live forever in the lives you change."

  Beneath that was an engraving of a blue bird.

  Gabriel bent down to place the flowers against her headstone and then sat down beside it. "Hey, Grandma. I'm sorry I haven't come to see you these past few weeks. But I brought someone to meet you." He patted the ground beside him and waited for Michael to sit. Michael hesitated for a moment. This seemed strangely personal and intimate, and he was very clearly a stranger who did not belong intruding on this moment. But Gabriel was waiting for him, and he had said that he wanted to know Gabriel better. So he sat.

  "This is my grandma, Sarah. She was my mom's mom, and I was closer to her than to anyone else. She always believed in me, even when everyone else thought I was just a weird kid with funny hair. She knew I was going to make it someday. She paid me to do odd jobs around her house when she knew I was saving up for a new guitar. She used to drive me to concerts and buy me CDs of great musicians. She never tried to get me to play anything that wasn't me."

  Gabriel was quiet for a minute, running his fingers over Sarah's headstone. "She bought me my first Fallen Angel CD—that indie label stuff you first recorded. She found it in a thrift shop bin and said that she'd looked at the cover and knew she needed to buy it for me, that I needed to hear it." He glanced at Michael, his eyes wet. "I wouldn't be here without her."

  He traced the letters in Sarah's name with a finger. "Thank you, Grandma. For everything. I love you." He wiped at his wet eyes. "I would give anything for her to see me play tonight."

  "She will. I'm sure she's been watching you play this whole time."

  Gabriel nodded and got to his feet. Apparently, visiting time was done. Just as he had all day, Michael followed Gabriel's lead; this was his story, after all. "Goodbye, Grandma. I'll be back soon." He kissed his fingers and pressed them to her headstone. "She was a real angel."

  "I think you're an angel." Michael
couldn't stop himself. It was as if the grip on his heart had allowed the filter on his mouth to slip. Gabriel didn't say anything, but Michael saw the faintest smile on his lips.

  "She would've loved you," he said softly and then turned away.

  Michael brushed his fingers over Sarah's headstone before he followed Gabriel, and he could swear it felt far warmer than a shade-covered stone had any right to feel.

  *~*~*

  That night's show was phenomenal. It had to be because Gabriel's friends and family were in the audience—there was no other reason. Having the friends and family who loved him there to cheer him on, or maybe his desire to impress them, made Gabriel's playing the best it had ever been, more energetic and compelling than Michael had ever seen. It was amazing, and the entire band fed off it.

  Gabriel disappeared during signing. They were meeting fans together when a girl asked where Gabriel was, and when Michael turned to him, he was gone. He was perplexed as to where or why; Gabriel hadn't given any indication that he was sick or tired. Perhaps he had seen someone he recognized and gone to talk to them more, but Michael couldn't see him anywhere along the line of fans. He pushed it from his mind and focused on the fans before heading back to the bus, where Gabriel's disappearance was made clear—clearer, anyway. Sitting at the lounge table with Gabriel was a girl Gabriel's age and an older woman. They both had the same brilliant green eyes as Gabriel, and Michael had to assume they were related.

  "Michael!" Gabriel grinned when he saw him. "Come over here."

  Michael hesitated—parents!—and then gave in. Gabriel had asked him to come in, and Michael didn't hate meeting parents so much that he would really say no to Gabriel.

  "This is my mom, Lisa, and my sister, Carrie."

  Carrie stared at him with mesmerized eyes and asked him to sign a CD. After years of adoring fans, this was normal for him and put him at ease. Lisa smiling and hugging him, however, made him feel a little awkward. Mothers generally assumed he wasn't good enough for their sons, just like fathers assumed he would corrupt them. He had wondered if Lisa was going to be both wrapped into one, but instead, she gave off a warm and motherly vibe.